I think
this movie might have been made before, but it was called
Beverly Hills Cop. Also set in L.A., Underclassman stars Nick
Cannon as Tracy, a trash-talking, renegade cop from out of
town, Philly instead of Detroit. Just as with Eddie Murphy
in Beverly Hills Cop, the movie opens with Nick badly bungling
a contraband bust, but toys this time, instead of cigarettes.
The primary
problem with the picture, however, is not that it’s
a thinly-veiled remake, but that Cannon is neither a consummate
comedian, nor does he have half the charm of his predecessor.
As a result, his every attempt to entertain us falls flat.
For instance,
when he leers at a couple of cuties in bikinis, he seems more
like a loser than a lover. Same goes for the situation where
he flirts with a teacher by asking, “Did you ever want
to be a video dancer?” Then, after she resists his advances,
he responds with, Why don’t you stop frontin’?
You know you want it. You’re a freak.” This suggests
that he doesn’t hold professional women in high regard.
And then there’s the sexy scene where the pedophile
picks up a couple of white girls he knows are underaged and
then has them sandwich him in what he calls “a reverse
Oreo.”
When
not degrading females, Tracy devotes most of his efforts
to behaving like a self-hating black man. Speaking in
English-butchering Ebonics, he constantly equates being
African-American with the most backwards, debased and
degenerate behavior.
For
example, he this is how he explains his being a high
school dropout. “School ain’t never been
my thing. It always seemed to get in the way of being
a man.” Later, he asks a gainfully employed black
man whether he’s West Indian, insinuating that
American-born blacks are lazy.
After
being unfairly arrested, instead of protesting, he says
he feels at home in jail, “Because the cell brings
me closer to the struggle,” whatever that’s
supposed to mean. When invited out to get crab by white
friends, he acts surprised when he is taken to a fancy
restaurant, because “in my neighborhood, getting
crab means something totally different,” namely,
a sexually-transmitted disease.
The
picture was directed by Marcos Siega who, just a couple
of weeks ago, released the putrid Pretty Persuasion,
an equally-offensive exercise in anti-Semitism. It’s
mind-boggling that such relentlessly offensive trash
ever finds financial backing from a major Hollywood
studio. Why give an international platform to a man
with so much hate in his heart?
Regardless,
Mr. Siega should look forward to the distinction of
being the first director to land two movies on my annual
10 Worst List in the same year.
Fair
(1 star)
Rating: PG-13 for profanity, crude humor, violence,
illegal drug usage, and the promotion of teen alcohol
consumption.
Running time: 95 minutes
Studio: Miramax Pictures
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